More on Marriage

I was talking to my friend again this week and she again commented on how some guys have told her that they just wish that I would stop wanted to get married so badly and then guys would flock to me.

I've been thinking about that for a while and I thought, I can't stop wanting to get married. That's like asking me to stop wanting to progress, or to stop wanting exaltation. It's just not going to happen. Marriage in my mind is explicitly linked to exaltation. I've spent too much time in the temple to think otherwise. I cannot stop wanting marriage. It is a commandment! Stop wanting to follow commandments? Really? Is that what you're asking me to do?

And further, I don't think I want guys to flock to me. I just want one really good one. I don't need lots of them. Because most of them aren't what I'm looking for. And I get tired of sorting through the . . . not so good ones. I'm past the point where I want lots of guys around me.

I think I'll stick with the Lord's advice. Chill out. Still a struggle, but much easier to follow. And reasonable too.

Genesis

I've started reading the Old Testament in the last few weeks and I am struck by how often the people in it mess up and still the Lord blesses them. Over and over again I see how the people aren't perfect and how they don't do exactly what the Lord asks them to do. They aren't perfect, and yet the Lord still blesses them. (I haven't even gotten past all of Jacob's sons being born by the way). I think this is a lesson I need to learn, because I continue to get the same impression every time I read. These people were not perfect, they messed up, they didn't do exactly as the Lord asked them, though they were trying and communicated with Him. However, the Lord still blessed them.

I think maybe I expect too much of myself. I expect to be perfect and I get down on myself when I am not. But the Lord still loves me and can make my mistakes into a beautiful life. But I have to LET Him bless me. I think I am not doing that right now because I don't believe I should be blessed because of all the mistakes I have made, because I know that I don't follow him exactly.

Maybe I need to chill out a little.

Ups and Downs

My life is crazy. When its craziest, I have the best stories, but then I don't have time to write. Then when life calms down, I feel like I have nothing to say.

So I have time, but have no idea what I should be saying.

I am teaching summer school, but don't know what I'll be doing about a job between the end of summer school and the beginning of school in the fall. I only have a part time teaching job, which I only get paid hourly for. I am interviewing for a full time position, but because of the cuts in education funding lately, I probably won't be able to get one of those. Which I'm kind of ok with because I love working where I am working, but it makes the whole "I should buy a house" project a lot harder.

Also, I am very annoyed by those people who claim their trials are harder than mine. Of course yours seem more difficult to you! That's why they are YOURS!!! They wouldn't be trials if they weren't hard. And if you don't find them hard, then they wouldn't try you.

I find myself working on my faith. Even though the Lord has told me He will provide, sometimes I still think it won't happen. But I keep trying to have more faith.

Well, I think that's all I have right now. Good news is, I have a more positive attitude right now than about a month ago. So I am grateful for that.