Roommate Drama

The last two roommates I've had I have loved like crazy, but after about 2 years, I just wanted them to move out. I've been a bit concerned that this has happened, but after some thought, I've figured out what it is. Neither of them speak my love language. My love language is acts of service. Mostly for me (at least at this point) this means cleaning up the house. Neither of my last 2 roommates have cared one whit for the state of the house. Occasionally they'll clean their room, and they'll do some isolated chores, but not to the extent that fulfills my need for love. You have to get the dishes before they become a disaster, replace the toilet paper roll if you use it up, or clean your mail off the table. Maybe part of the problem is that I see it as a problem before they do, and that's ok. I just really want someone around who is willing to show me I'm loved in the way I need. My last roommate was my sister and I told her straight up that my love language was acts of service. She looked me in the eye and said she couldn't speak it or receive it. I thought that was a bit harsh considering she's a therapist by trade. She was a physical touch person. Do you know how hard it is to give physical touch to someone you don't feel love from? My current roommate is a quality time person. The introvert in my doesn't love that, especially since she doesn't get home until about a half an hour before bed and then wants to talk for an hour when I'm worn out from the day and am shutting down.
It probably is my fault that my roommate doesn't understand. I have a hard time coming right out and telling people that what I really need from them is to keep the house clean. I shouldn't have to be my roommate's mother, we are adults after all, right? But I should be less passive aggressive and find a way to tell them without being rude. That will have to be something I work on.
Sadly, (or happily, depending on how you look at it) my roommate will be moving out in about a month. While it's nice to be alone for a bit, my need for love won't diminish. And I really need someone emotionally, even if I can survive financially without a roommate. And then I'll run into this problem all over again. But I really don't want to live alone.

An Exercise in Free Speech

For the most part, I like to consider myself moderate politically. However, I am very strong in my religious beliefs. The recent Supreme Court ruling to me was a disappointment. But I understand that it is what the law of the land has decided and I live in the land and need to abide by that law. However, I still support traditional marriage. I think it is the best way to raise a family and that traditional marriage stabilizes families and society.
Now I further understand that this is my opinion, and other people do not believe the same things I do. I grew up understanding that I believe differently from other people because my religion is a super small percentage in the nation, let alone the world. (This site says we are less than 2% of the US). My parents taught me that even though I don't believe the same things other believe, or agree with them, that I can still be respectful and understanding. I can see their viewpoint and not have to agree with it. I like this quote by Rick Warren:

“Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.”

Which bring me to the present. I posted something on Facebook about traditional marriage. I feel that my voice was not being heard and I felt it necessary to take a stand. I tend to not say anything because most things posted on Facebook do not have references. They do not cite the research that has been done, or there simply hasn't been any done. I believe both sides struggle with this. (Both sides in most debates that take place on social media) Also, I feel that most of what is said is simply mudslinging and there really isn't any way to prove what you are saying, you are just name calling to make the other person look bad. (and the only way to sling mud is to get some on yourself, kinda defeats the purpose if you ask me). The truth is, I think that people who support traditional marriage are arguing a different point than those who support gay marriage and visa versa. We can never come to a consensus when we define things differently. I think this is the real problem. Unfortunately, what I posted did not have references, which is one of the reasons I haven't posted anything up to this point. But I did, because I still feel strongly about this point. 

I had a friend who took real offense to this. She went on at length at how everything in the video was wrong and how uneducated an opinion it was and was overall very derogatory towards my opinion. I had known I would get a reaction, but I didn't expect it to be so completely dismissive of mine. For a group that preaches tolerance, they sure aren't tolerant if you believe differently than they.

And truth be told, I knew this about their culture. But I have found that people are rarely the stereotype. So I thought that this attitude would have been had by the nebulous "other gay supporters", not from my friend. I was really disappointed that we couldn't respectfully disagree. I would have been the first to admit that there were flaws with the video that I posted and that there are problems with our society that need to be fixed, even be legislation. But I don't believe we have to be disrespectful and rude to do so. We can still recognize someone else's opinion even if we think it is wrong. 

What really pushed me over the edge was that she posted on her own page how terrible it was that people are hiding this bigotry behind the word "opinion" and that it isn't actually an opinion. In one post, she totally invalidated my whole lifestyle and view. And the bigger problem is that she is trying to 'educate' me as to why my (not) opinion is wrong. I have never found that the way to convert someone to your way of thinking is to yell at them that they are wrong. That tends to make them hold to their beliefs even more steadfastly. She said she was trying to cut out the bad like a piece of mold on a piece of cheese. I believe the scripture says first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye. I have always believed we should focus on our own failings first. How can I judge someone else's character when I am totally biased by my own?

I believe we can all be compassionate. We can understand each other without compromising our own beliefs. Why can't we sit down together and find a solution that everyone can agree on? Why do people insist on shoving their beliefs down someone else's throats? Why can't I love you and disagree with your lifestyle? I offer you that consideration, please extend the same courtesy to me. 

How do you find meaning in life?

When I realized the Olympics were right around the corner, I realized I haven't written on my blog for almost 2 years, since the last Olympics. Good news is that means that I have been busy having a life.

Unfortunately, I'm at a place in my life where I am struggling to find meaning. I work all day, and go to church on Sunday, fulfill my calling and try to squeeze in time for exercise. But every once in a while, I end up with a couple hours to myself and no idea how to fill them. For someone whose mother used to say "only boring people get bored," I find myself in a difficult place. In those moments I wonder why. What good is my life, what am I doing to make my life worth living? Am I making a worthwhile contribution to the people around me?

I know I need to have some unstructured time in my life. But what do you do with that when you've got it? How do you make it feel like it is constructive time? In my busy moments, I think, if I just had some free time to do whatever I want, but then when I get it, I have no idea what to do with it.

Let me know if you have any suggestions.

Why settle for mediocrity?

I love great music. Nothing moves me quite like a masterful blend of instruments. I watched a great theatre production last night and realized I love great theatre as well. I realized when I was in France that I like great food. And I watch only one sporting event religiously, the Olympics. Great sports.

I think this translates into my dating life also. I want greatness. And truthfully, he doesn't have to be the greatest in the world, but at least striving for greatness. Some of the best Olympic stories are those who never see a medal. Take the Irish gymnist for example. Only the second Irishman to qualify for the Olympics. He had a tumor in his leg when he was ten, the doctors said he would never walk again. He suffered several injuries. But he still aimed for greatness. I believe he achieved it.

We can achieve greatness in our own lives. You can have great compassion, great determination, great love, great passion. I strive for greatness in my own life. Why would I ever settle for less, in any arena?

Reflections

Today, I went back and basically re-read my entire blog. An interesting experience, let me tell you. There are definitely some things that I've left out, but I suppose that's ok. I realized that most of my posts are me venting/complaining because I just don't have anywhere else to say those things. So I thought I'd tell you the awesomeness that is my life right now.

I currently work full time and LOVE my job! Next year, I will FINALLY! be on salary and I'm teaching both ballroom and drama. I work with some of the most amazing and supportive teachers. I own my own home and my car is paid off. My mom gave me a dog last week, so I have a house and a dog, plus I'm working on paying off my debts. Not only that, but I don't have to get another job this summer! I managed to save enough and have enough small jobs I'm already committed to that I don't have to do anything else. I'm teaching summer school and working for my former Land Lady. So I get to relax and prep for the upcoming school year.

I also really like my ward. I feel much more comfortable there, even though many of my friends have moved out with the end of the school year. In my last ward, I felt like I wasn't going to be there for long, but this one feels like home. Considering I'll be here for at least 3 years.

There are a couple of other good things going on also that contribute to a general feeling of well-being, but are rather inconsequential as of the moment.

All in all, the Lord takes care of me, and for that, I am so grateful. Its good to see the sunshine after the rain.

Strange Happenings

Its always interesting when you run into a situation where you have to contact the one person you swore you'd-never-talk-to-again-until-they-talk-to-you and they go from being the jerk they have been lately to the anytime-you-need-help-I'll-be-there-for-you person you were best friends with before.

There shall not be room enough to receive it

I've come to the realization lately that the Lord takes very good care of me. I have struggled with my job and my life in the past few years. I haven't had a "real" job, I've worked a plethora (that means excess) of jobs in order to make ends meet, I'm still in debt from school and when I did a study abroad and most of the time, I really can't see a way out of the financial burden (or the singleness) or my life. After a year of working nights and days, I managed to get all my hours consolidated into one job. Then, the opportunity came along to purchase a home, something I've wanted to do since I moved back from California. My mortgage was less than rent, which made it a no brainer. I've been working hard since then to make a good impression and now I should have a salaried job next year! While this won't solve all my problems, it will make life easier. One really nice thing will be benefits. I will be able to go back to the doctor and the dentist and I won't pay for my insurance myself! This point has just really made me look back at my life and helped me realize that the Lord really does have a plan and that He makes things happen in my life.

There are a number of other smaller things that have happened also that make me realize this. I spent several hundred dollars getting my car taken care of this last weekend, as well as driving down to see my sister in AZ for Spring Break, but somehow, through a multitude of minor miracles, I am still within budget this month.

Also, I had somewhat of a falling out with a friend that was very dear to me, the crux came last summer. But after some time, things seem to be healing themselves. I got a hug the last time I stopped by to take care of something. It meant a lot to me to be rebuilding those bridges.

There are so many pieces to put together in our lives. I know I certainly am not the one to put most of them in place. Yesterday really opened my eyes to how much the Lord directs my life. I'm glad he's in charge because I'm pretty sure I would mess things up. It was also funny to me that when I told my mom and my sister that the Lord takes care of me, they both said they knew that. I am obviously the blind one. I'm really grateful I get little glimpses of His plan and what he's doing. It's a good feeling.