An Exercise in Free Speech

For the most part, I like to consider myself moderate politically. However, I am very strong in my religious beliefs. The recent Supreme Court ruling to me was a disappointment. But I understand that it is what the law of the land has decided and I live in the land and need to abide by that law. However, I still support traditional marriage. I think it is the best way to raise a family and that traditional marriage stabilizes families and society.
Now I further understand that this is my opinion, and other people do not believe the same things I do. I grew up understanding that I believe differently from other people because my religion is a super small percentage in the nation, let alone the world. (This site says we are less than 2% of the US). My parents taught me that even though I don't believe the same things other believe, or agree with them, that I can still be respectful and understanding. I can see their viewpoint and not have to agree with it. I like this quote by Rick Warren:

“Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.”

Which bring me to the present. I posted something on Facebook about traditional marriage. I feel that my voice was not being heard and I felt it necessary to take a stand. I tend to not say anything because most things posted on Facebook do not have references. They do not cite the research that has been done, or there simply hasn't been any done. I believe both sides struggle with this. (Both sides in most debates that take place on social media) Also, I feel that most of what is said is simply mudslinging and there really isn't any way to prove what you are saying, you are just name calling to make the other person look bad. (and the only way to sling mud is to get some on yourself, kinda defeats the purpose if you ask me). The truth is, I think that people who support traditional marriage are arguing a different point than those who support gay marriage and visa versa. We can never come to a consensus when we define things differently. I think this is the real problem. Unfortunately, what I posted did not have references, which is one of the reasons I haven't posted anything up to this point. But I did, because I still feel strongly about this point. 

I had a friend who took real offense to this. She went on at length at how everything in the video was wrong and how uneducated an opinion it was and was overall very derogatory towards my opinion. I had known I would get a reaction, but I didn't expect it to be so completely dismissive of mine. For a group that preaches tolerance, they sure aren't tolerant if you believe differently than they.

And truth be told, I knew this about their culture. But I have found that people are rarely the stereotype. So I thought that this attitude would have been had by the nebulous "other gay supporters", not from my friend. I was really disappointed that we couldn't respectfully disagree. I would have been the first to admit that there were flaws with the video that I posted and that there are problems with our society that need to be fixed, even be legislation. But I don't believe we have to be disrespectful and rude to do so. We can still recognize someone else's opinion even if we think it is wrong. 

What really pushed me over the edge was that she posted on her own page how terrible it was that people are hiding this bigotry behind the word "opinion" and that it isn't actually an opinion. In one post, she totally invalidated my whole lifestyle and view. And the bigger problem is that she is trying to 'educate' me as to why my (not) opinion is wrong. I have never found that the way to convert someone to your way of thinking is to yell at them that they are wrong. That tends to make them hold to their beliefs even more steadfastly. She said she was trying to cut out the bad like a piece of mold on a piece of cheese. I believe the scripture says first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye. I have always believed we should focus on our own failings first. How can I judge someone else's character when I am totally biased by my own?

I believe we can all be compassionate. We can understand each other without compromising our own beliefs. Why can't we sit down together and find a solution that everyone can agree on? Why do people insist on shoving their beliefs down someone else's throats? Why can't I love you and disagree with your lifestyle? I offer you that consideration, please extend the same courtesy to me. 

The Difference

I've been thinking about marriage lately. Specifically eternal marriage. People have commented that I just want to get married and it doesn't seem to matter who I'm with, so it never feels to them like they are someone special. However, I have realized there is a difference between wanting to get married and wanting an eternal marriage. Wanting to get married can mean that you just don't want to be alone anymore, that you are afraid that you'll never find someone else, that you are sexually frustrated or any number of other things. However, when you want an eternal marriage, you are looking for a relationship that will last forever, one that upholds and honors sacred covenants you have made to each other and to the Lord. You are looking for someone to serve for the rest of eternity, someone who will help you become less selfish and for someone with with to enjoy the wonderful blessings of family and children. An eternal marriage is not entered into lightly. It is entered into with faith. A marriage because you just want to get married is entered into because of fear and lack of self control.

I have seen close family members get married just because they want to get married. I do not feel that they chose wisely in this case (though I choose to support them in their path). I think that they lost sight of the big picture, what eternity really means.

My choice is to wait for an eternal marriage. I don't want to get married just to get married, though the two may look similar to someone on the outside. I want to get married for the right reasons and to find the joy that I see in the wonderful marriages around me.

What I'm really looking for

So in response to my last post, I tried to define what a great guy is. As I was trying to put that into words, I wrote that "He's one of those people you love to be around because you always feel uplifted in his presence. "  As I sat there looking at those words, I realized, that's it. That's what I'm really looking for. That's why some of these guys are really nice guys, but I just can't like them. I don't feel uplifted or edified by them. That's one of the reasons I hung out with FDP for so long, I always felt better about myself and about life when I was around him, and not because his life sucked. 


That's a hard thing to find. At least I can put a name to it now, instead of some vague feeling and me saying "I just don't think I like him"

Positive and Negative

I'm at one of those points where I am so frustrated. I have been taking a break from dating. I was planning on going back to making an effort in June, a full year from when I decided I was done with dating, but the last week, I've been getting the feeling that faith is a principle of action. And since I have faith that I will get married, I feel like I should start making an effort again. I'm just not sure how what exactly that action is.

In the meantime, I have been going out with guys if they actually ask me out. The latest guy is a convert of about 2 years and moved here from Arkansas to go to BYU. First we just went to dinner because it was a blind date. Then we went up to the Conference Center for the Sunday morning session of Conference and we just went to the BYU Ballroom Dance Concert. I don't really like the way he offers me his arm. Weird, I know, and not a deal breaker, but its a little weird to take a guy's arm and then he still holds it away from him. That doesn't really help me at all because my hand slides around. He needs to reconnect his arm to his ribcage so that I feel like he's taking care of me, not just looking like it. And he sent a text message in the middle of the show tonight. Kinda bugs. That on top of him making posts on Facebook during Conference. When President Uchtdorf said some of you have already sent a text or notification that its been 10 minutes and he hasn't talked about aviation, that was Convert!! I really liked that Pres. Uchtdorf then said there was a time for everything, and that wasn't the time to be on FB.

Of course, then I feel bad because the latest First Presidency message says that you find what you are looking for; if you look for the good, you will find the good, and if you look for the bad, you will find that too. Sadly, judging from what I think about Convert, I think I've been looking for the bad. Which isn't promising. I need to start looking for the good on dates. Because there will always be something wrong. Might as well find something you like. I do think, however, that if we keeping doing things, this relationship is going to take a long time to get off the ground.

I am still frustrated with dating. I know so many great guys, but I don't feel like I date any great guys. It could be all in my perspective. I guess I'll be working on that.

To date, or not to date

My life has been rather insane lately, in case you couldn't tell by the lack of postings. I moved out of my house where I lived with four children and felt like part of a family and into an apartment on the other side of town with my sister. My student loans came due, and I realized that with rent and those student loans, I absolutely had to have another job, I could no longer wait to get another one. Well, after looking all summer for a full time teaching job, I finally came to the conclusion that that probably wasn't going to happen. So I started looking for another part time position. I finally found one; the only draw back is that it is a night job. I teach English online, mostly to Koreans. During their daylight hours, which happen to be the middle of the night here. So I basically work and sleep. And work and sleep some more.  The good news is that I love every one of my four jobs. I really enjoy all of them. However, whenever I tell someone that I am working four jobs, they ask "Not much time left for dating, is there?" And then I adjust the truth to say that there is a little time. Which there is, but I don't really want to spend my free time dating.

Truth be told, I'm tired of dating. REALLY tired. I made a dedicated effort to do so this last year. I went on 8 dates in three weeks in April. I consistently try to say yes when a guy asks me out. But (I figured out this morning) I am just burnt out on dating. I've worked really hard to find someone who likes me and I like them. I'm not really that picky, especially since most of the men where I live actually fit my standards. But its just not in the cards at this point. And I know its cliché, but maybe its not me. I worked all year dating, I tried really hard to go out with lots of different guys, I tried to give guys a fair chance, but nothing has worked out. And I'm tired of it. I have to pay off my student loans. I'd like to pay off my credit card. And since I can't control boys, I can at least control myself. So, yes, I work so much there is very little time for boys. But I'm happy that I'm busy and I feel better knowing that I am getting myself out of debt. Because if I were to wait for a boy, I would just be getting further into debt. I don't think that's something the Lord wants. And I'm sure that if the Lord meant me to be married by this point, something would have happened. Its not like I don't have the "I would really like to be married soon" conversation with the Lord EVERY NIGHT. So if you think you have the ear of the Lord and he'll listen to you, feel free to talk to him about it. But as for me, I have to live my life and I am just burnt out on dating.

President Faust has said that there is a time for us to do everything we want to do, just not all at the same time. And what I am doing right now if paying off my debt. And then, when I'm not so burnt out on dating, I'll try again. But now is not the time.

I recently read an article about marriage myths and this one in particular struck me:

Marriage Myth: If there’s no spark, you’re doomed.
Many married couples understand intellectually that they won’t always experience that I’ve-been-drugged-by-love feeling in a long-term relationship. “But many still believe that when the spark dies out, it means they’re in the wrong relationship, and seek something new,” says Bartlein. Long-term relationships survive on commitment and trust, out of which grows love. The mistake here is to believe that you can live forever on fireworks, or even just love, alone.

I think perhaps because I've had a relationship that started out with commitment, of sorts, and the trust grew and then love came out of it. Sadly for me, it was a little one-sided, so nothing ever went anywhere, but it was a great relationship. I felt safe in it, the good safe. I think that our society has placed too much stock in the "fireworks" department, and the commitment and trust that should happen in relationships doesn't. It makes me a little sad because making that kind of commitment and keeping it creates one of the best relationships on the planet.

Not that I would actually know, but just a thought.

Shattered

That's what happened to my self image last night talking to a friend. In a completely non-judgmental way, she told me that I flirt with everyone and guys can't tell if I'm flirting because I like them or because I just want to get married, because guys can tell I want to get married.

I have several thoughts on this and I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet. Here's my little pride cycle.

One, I can't really help flirting. I get it from my mom and its part of who I am. I can't completely change myself and still feel like I'm not being fake. I believe that we should do like Shakespeare said "To thine own self be true". On the flip-side, I probably can tone things down a little and still be myself.

Two, why is it a bad thing to want to get married? Almost everyone wants to, even if they don't admit it. We're SUPPOSED to. Its part of The Plan. We're structured to want and need other people. So why is it a bad thing when people are comfortable being honest with themselves about what they want? On the flip-side, it may come across as being desperate.

Three, sometimes I feel that I am completely different from everyone I know. I feel like I'm living in a world of people who see things in a totally different way than I do. My friend was telling me the opinions of some of the guys we both know and some of the things they've said, and I just wonder how different we all are, but think we are the same. How many miscommunications come out of us thinking that we are the same, but have really different ways of thinking about the world. It sometimes makes me feel really alone and completely misunderstood.

Fourth, sometimes it becomes very clear that I don't totally understand myself. There are still things I discover that I didn't know where there and I don't know how to deal with. Such is the struggle of life, I presume.

In dealing with this, I realize that my friend's point of view is just one side and I need to take it with a grain of salt. I plan on taking what she said into consideration and adjust accordingly, but not completely. She is a different person than I am and I still have to be myself. But course corrections are part of the journey, and this may be one I need to change that one degree.

My one word of advice is this, when you start to ask the Lord to show you your flaws so that you can become a better person, be prepared for your pride to take a hit. And its going to be hard and hurt. The good news is you'll be a better person on the other side, if you learn from the experience.

Chivalry

I found this article while browsing around online today (while I should have been getting my classroom ready) and thought I'd share. I like the point he makes and for any guys out there reading this, holy cow, chivalry will make a place for you in my heart. No joke.

Boys need girls

I have come to this conclusion through many different experiences. One of them is working at a game store. Boys are so messy (in general), especially when they are left on their own. I don't know what it is, but its weird.

Boys need girls to balance them out. There are many more examples, but they seem to have fled my mind at the moment. That's what you get for creating blog posts in your mind while vaccuuming and then going back to write the post three or more hours later. I was thinking that just in general guys need girls around. They are helpful in so many ways.

By the way, girls also need boys. But that's another post.

Religion vs Knowledge

I was blessed to attend a religious institution where professors incorporated secular and religious information. Now as I am at a secular institution, I find it highly disturbing that people are so blinded into seeing only one side of the world and of knowledge. I am frustrated that my religiosity is seen as inferior because I cannot 'prove' what my faith tells me. A big part of this also may be the view that my vote was based on stupidity instead of a firm belief of what is right and wrong. I think I am most disturbed by the thought that I cannot have a real discussion with these people, that they will not understand my point of view, or even try and that it will resort to name calling. I am pretty much frustrated by the whole situation.

Here is an article I found that kind of puts things in perspective.

Kari's Wedding

I have been to five weddings in the last five weeks. Its been a little crazy, but good to see so many people!
As I told you before, I drove down to Vegas for my cousin's wedding. These pictures are from the reception.

Kylie and her posse. We ran around everywhere together. Her friend did the wedding cake. I only did the tiny flowers, but it was fun! The best part was sticking them on the cake.


Here is the finished product.
Guess they liked it!!

Table Displays. Very pretty.

The neverending pictures. My aunt loves to take pictures. (Which is great because then I get to post them!)

Me and my cousins!!

Roommate's Wedding!

So my cute little roommate from Paris got married yesterday!


Doesn't she look great?


Her husband is so nice, and they have similar senses of humor. Its really cute to see them interact. And not in the over the top cheesy way either.


Awww!

I also got to see two of my other friends from Paris and we all had a great chat. I ended up staying the entire time at the reception. Normally, I stay for about half an hour and then run. (normally its the home wards that I know no one in and there is no point to staying) I also didn't have any other place to be. It was a lot of fun.

Napoleon's Tomb

Napoleon's Tomb on the outside



The tomb itself


Which I think is funny because Napoleon was cremated, so why does he need a tomb that big?
I planned on loading more pics from Les Invalides, which houses the military museum, but my computer stopped responding. Seriously though, Napoleon's tomb was really cool. It used to be a chapel, and then they changed it to a monument for Napoleon and several of his relatives and generals. It was very pretty.

Theatre, always theatre

Well, I haven't posted in a week and I'm trying to decide if I've really done anything of note in that time period. I was sick over the weekend, so pretty much just stayed in bed, and then I was working on a paper, memorizing a scene, taking a test, and seeing a play. I've realized my camera really doesn't like it when you don't use the flash, especially if its in a special setting. Which makes it kind of difficult to take pictures insidesany building because everything is so old, you aren't supposed to use your flash. So a lot of my pictures are either grainy, blurry or both.
We went to see L'École des femmes last night (School For Wives). It was hilarious. Good news was I read the play first. That was what I've been doing all my work on so far. The lead actor was just fantastic. He could really turn a phrase, and his body language was great.


And the theatre was beautiful!! It was one of those really old theatres that has great acoustics, none of the actors had mikes. We don't get enough of that in the states. I was taught that you shouldn't need a mike, you should be able to project well enough to fill the theatre, so I quite enjoyed that. The only problem was, I am guessing, that it was one of those theatres that was built when you went to the theater to be seen and not to see the show. So sitting on the side made viewing the stage a little difficult, and I felt sorry for the people behind us because we were all leaning forward.

I have been working on getting some of my homework out of the way so that I can focus on doing the things that I want. I've been doing all right at it, but I think its time to figure out what things I really want to see on this trip so that I make sure I do them. The good news is most of the walks we do take us to cool places, and that is really my favorite part. Its fun to just walk around Paris and relax.