How do you find meaning in life?

When I realized the Olympics were right around the corner, I realized I haven't written on my blog for almost 2 years, since the last Olympics. Good news is that means that I have been busy having a life.

Unfortunately, I'm at a place in my life where I am struggling to find meaning. I work all day, and go to church on Sunday, fulfill my calling and try to squeeze in time for exercise. But every once in a while, I end up with a couple hours to myself and no idea how to fill them. For someone whose mother used to say "only boring people get bored," I find myself in a difficult place. In those moments I wonder why. What good is my life, what am I doing to make my life worth living? Am I making a worthwhile contribution to the people around me?

I know I need to have some unstructured time in my life. But what do you do with that when you've got it? How do you make it feel like it is constructive time? In my busy moments, I think, if I just had some free time to do whatever I want, but then when I get it, I have no idea what to do with it.

Let me know if you have any suggestions.

Why settle for mediocrity?

I love great music. Nothing moves me quite like a masterful blend of instruments. I watched a great theatre production last night and realized I love great theatre as well. I realized when I was in France that I like great food. And I watch only one sporting event religiously, the Olympics. Great sports.

I think this translates into my dating life also. I want greatness. And truthfully, he doesn't have to be the greatest in the world, but at least striving for greatness. Some of the best Olympic stories are those who never see a medal. Take the Irish gymnist for example. Only the second Irishman to qualify for the Olympics. He had a tumor in his leg when he was ten, the doctors said he would never walk again. He suffered several injuries. But he still aimed for greatness. I believe he achieved it.

We can achieve greatness in our own lives. You can have great compassion, great determination, great love, great passion. I strive for greatness in my own life. Why would I ever settle for less, in any arena?

Reflections

Today, I went back and basically re-read my entire blog. An interesting experience, let me tell you. There are definitely some things that I've left out, but I suppose that's ok. I realized that most of my posts are me venting/complaining because I just don't have anywhere else to say those things. So I thought I'd tell you the awesomeness that is my life right now.

I currently work full time and LOVE my job! Next year, I will FINALLY! be on salary and I'm teaching both ballroom and drama. I work with some of the most amazing and supportive teachers. I own my own home and my car is paid off. My mom gave me a dog last week, so I have a house and a dog, plus I'm working on paying off my debts. Not only that, but I don't have to get another job this summer! I managed to save enough and have enough small jobs I'm already committed to that I don't have to do anything else. I'm teaching summer school and working for my former Land Lady. So I get to relax and prep for the upcoming school year.

I also really like my ward. I feel much more comfortable there, even though many of my friends have moved out with the end of the school year. In my last ward, I felt like I wasn't going to be there for long, but this one feels like home. Considering I'll be here for at least 3 years.

There are a couple of other good things going on also that contribute to a general feeling of well-being, but are rather inconsequential as of the moment.

All in all, the Lord takes care of me, and for that, I am so grateful. Its good to see the sunshine after the rain.

Strange Happenings

Its always interesting when you run into a situation where you have to contact the one person you swore you'd-never-talk-to-again-until-they-talk-to-you and they go from being the jerk they have been lately to the anytime-you-need-help-I'll-be-there-for-you person you were best friends with before.

There shall not be room enough to receive it

I've come to the realization lately that the Lord takes very good care of me. I have struggled with my job and my life in the past few years. I haven't had a "real" job, I've worked a plethora (that means excess) of jobs in order to make ends meet, I'm still in debt from school and when I did a study abroad and most of the time, I really can't see a way out of the financial burden (or the singleness) or my life. After a year of working nights and days, I managed to get all my hours consolidated into one job. Then, the opportunity came along to purchase a home, something I've wanted to do since I moved back from California. My mortgage was less than rent, which made it a no brainer. I've been working hard since then to make a good impression and now I should have a salaried job next year! While this won't solve all my problems, it will make life easier. One really nice thing will be benefits. I will be able to go back to the doctor and the dentist and I won't pay for my insurance myself! This point has just really made me look back at my life and helped me realize that the Lord really does have a plan and that He makes things happen in my life.

There are a number of other smaller things that have happened also that make me realize this. I spent several hundred dollars getting my car taken care of this last weekend, as well as driving down to see my sister in AZ for Spring Break, but somehow, through a multitude of minor miracles, I am still within budget this month.

Also, I had somewhat of a falling out with a friend that was very dear to me, the crux came last summer. But after some time, things seem to be healing themselves. I got a hug the last time I stopped by to take care of something. It meant a lot to me to be rebuilding those bridges.

There are so many pieces to put together in our lives. I know I certainly am not the one to put most of them in place. Yesterday really opened my eyes to how much the Lord directs my life. I'm glad he's in charge because I'm pretty sure I would mess things up. It was also funny to me that when I told my mom and my sister that the Lord takes care of me, they both said they knew that. I am obviously the blind one. I'm really grateful I get little glimpses of His plan and what he's doing. It's a good feeling.

Gender Equality

Everyone thinks that equality is women being able to do men's jobs. Or men doing women's jobs. Maybe not everyone, but that's the common view point. But that is all wrong. There is nothing wrong with believing in traditional gender roles. Equality is believing that both roles are equally good, equally fulfilling, and equally worthwhile. Why shouldn't we focus on our strengths? If a woman wants to stay home and raise her kids, why should people feel she's being oppressed by her traditional role? That bothers me. Why is her role lesser? That is where the real gender inequality is. Both men's and women's roles are necessary and equally good.

Until we value traditional women's jobs as much as men's, we will never have true gender equality.

The Sad State of My Life

Last night I was in bed at 8:30 pm. I'm single, and in bed with the lights out at 8:30 pm.