That's what happened to my self image last night talking to a friend. In a completely non-judgmental way, she told me that I flirt with everyone and guys can't tell if I'm flirting because I like them or because I just want to get married, because guys can tell I want to get married.
I have several thoughts on this and I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet. Here's my little pride cycle.
One, I can't really help flirting. I get it from my mom and its part of who I am. I can't completely change myself and still feel like I'm not being fake. I believe that we should do like Shakespeare said "To thine own self be true". On the flip-side, I probably can tone things down a little and still be myself.
Two, why is it a bad thing to want to get married? Almost everyone wants to, even if they don't admit it. We're SUPPOSED to. Its part of The Plan. We're structured to want and need other people. So why is it a bad thing when people are comfortable being honest with themselves about what they want? On the flip-side, it may come across as being desperate.
Three, sometimes I feel that I am completely different from everyone I know. I feel like I'm living in a world of people who see things in a totally different way than I do. My friend was telling me the opinions of some of the guys we both know and some of the things they've said, and I just wonder how different we all are, but think we are the same. How many miscommunications come out of us thinking that we are the same, but have really different ways of thinking about the world. It sometimes makes me feel really alone and completely misunderstood.
Fourth, sometimes it becomes very clear that I don't totally understand myself. There are still things I discover that I didn't know where there and I don't know how to deal with. Such is the struggle of life, I presume.
In dealing with this, I realize that my friend's point of view is just one side and I need to take it with a grain of salt. I plan on taking what she said into consideration and adjust accordingly, but not completely. She is a different person than I am and I still have to be myself. But course corrections are part of the journey, and this may be one I need to change that one degree.
My one word of advice is this, when you start to ask the Lord to show you your flaws so that you can become a better person, be prepared for your pride to take a hit. And its going to be hard and hurt. The good news is you'll be a better person on the other side, if you learn from the experience.
1 comment:
i love your blog. You're so introspective, as i often am.
first of all, there's nothing wrong with flirting. It boils down to survival mode-- that's how we attract guys. (granted, there's a balance between friendly-flirting and ditsy-flirting). There will come a time when you do get a guy, and you have to drastically change the way you treat all guys. I didn't realize my "friendliness" was perceived as "flirting" by guys.
But until you get the big fish, flirt on! As you are enthusiastic and genuinely interacting with guys, you can get to know each other.
Of course you want to get married. If a guy doesn't want the possibility of that, he can take a hike. This is real life, and ours includes eternal marriage.
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