The Difference

I've been thinking about marriage lately. Specifically eternal marriage. People have commented that I just want to get married and it doesn't seem to matter who I'm with, so it never feels to them like they are someone special. However, I have realized there is a difference between wanting to get married and wanting an eternal marriage. Wanting to get married can mean that you just don't want to be alone anymore, that you are afraid that you'll never find someone else, that you are sexually frustrated or any number of other things. However, when you want an eternal marriage, you are looking for a relationship that will last forever, one that upholds and honors sacred covenants you have made to each other and to the Lord. You are looking for someone to serve for the rest of eternity, someone who will help you become less selfish and for someone with with to enjoy the wonderful blessings of family and children. An eternal marriage is not entered into lightly. It is entered into with faith. A marriage because you just want to get married is entered into because of fear and lack of self control.

I have seen close family members get married just because they want to get married. I do not feel that they chose wisely in this case (though I choose to support them in their path). I think that they lost sight of the big picture, what eternity really means.

My choice is to wait for an eternal marriage. I don't want to get married just to get married, though the two may look similar to someone on the outside. I want to get married for the right reasons and to find the joy that I see in the wonderful marriages around me.

Miracles

So I have to admit that the Lord is mindful of me all the time. And while I'm definitely not at my destination, there are signposts along the way. Every once in a while, the Lord reminds me that he is there and that he is most definitely in charge.

So I've had some financial struggles of late. Not fun. I have a job for the fall and I can quit my night job which is basically destroying my health because I am not a night person and wake up way too early in the morning to be working past midnight. But I can't quit until my fall job starts and I have been considering getting another summer job because I really can't make ends meet. Well, I finally decided to NOT get another job; my health is not worth it. And I really need a little vacation before school starts. Right after I decided this, the friend I sell ballroom shoes for called and asked me to pick up a couple more hours this summer. And then another friend called to see if I could babysit her newborn in the fall. And then the government told me they were deferring my loan because of the classes I am taking (for my credential). So I will not be completely broke in September! Yay! I cannot tell you how excited I am for this.

That was Friday. I also went to the temple and had a great day with a friend and her two kids. Saturday, I spent with a different friend and her two kids and had an amazingly productive day. Sunday was pretty productive too. And then I went to the Parade again this year and sat with my ward. I spent the day with an amazing guy that I caught up with at the parade. I consider that a miracle too. I'm hoping the relationship lasts a bit longer. More on that later.

I have a testimony of how much the Lord loves me and how involved He is in my life. Rough it may be, but I would never trade having that protection.

What I'm really looking for

So in response to my last post, I tried to define what a great guy is. As I was trying to put that into words, I wrote that "He's one of those people you love to be around because you always feel uplifted in his presence. "  As I sat there looking at those words, I realized, that's it. That's what I'm really looking for. That's why some of these guys are really nice guys, but I just can't like them. I don't feel uplifted or edified by them. That's one of the reasons I hung out with FDP for so long, I always felt better about myself and about life when I was around him, and not because his life sucked. 


That's a hard thing to find. At least I can put a name to it now, instead of some vague feeling and me saying "I just don't think I like him"

Religion vs Knowledge

I was blessed to attend a religious institution where professors incorporated secular and religious information. Now as I am at a secular institution, I find it highly disturbing that people are so blinded into seeing only one side of the world and of knowledge. I am frustrated that my religiosity is seen as inferior because I cannot 'prove' what my faith tells me. A big part of this also may be the view that my vote was based on stupidity instead of a firm belief of what is right and wrong. I think I am most disturbed by the thought that I cannot have a real discussion with these people, that they will not understand my point of view, or even try and that it will resort to name calling. I am pretty much frustrated by the whole situation.

Here is an article I found that kind of puts things in perspective.

Roommate's Wedding!

So my cute little roommate from Paris got married yesterday!


Doesn't she look great?


Her husband is so nice, and they have similar senses of humor. Its really cute to see them interact. And not in the over the top cheesy way either.


Awww!

I also got to see two of my other friends from Paris and we all had a great chat. I ended up staying the entire time at the reception. Normally, I stay for about half an hour and then run. (normally its the home wards that I know no one in and there is no point to staying) I also didn't have any other place to be. It was a lot of fun.

Missionary Prep

Last Sunday I went to the missionary prep class with my brother. Not because I am planning on going, but I'm hoping my brother will go in the near future. I was asked to help another girl prepare for a mission, so now I will be going to that class for a while. But as I sat and listened to the lesson, I decided that I think this class is something I need right now in my life. I have been feeling a little down and without focus, and this class gives me something to focus on. Also, missionary work is one of my weaknesses, so hopefully I'll strengthen that area of my life too.

Conference

I was watching the first session of the 178th Annual Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the countenance of President Monson had so much energy. It struck me how much the Lord supports and blesses his prophets. President Hinckley was like that too, so much energy and enthusiasm for the gospel. The Lord gives strength and energy to those he calls. He does not let them falter. How grateful I am to have a living prophet on the earth

Learning curve

I think that being in a singles ward has spoiled me. I still look at adults as if they know more than I do. But after twenty years as a member and many years of higher education, I am slowly becoming aware that I can't expect everyone to do a perfect job in their calling. In our program we are singing for a single adult conference, with some of the single adults. Last night we had a rehearsal with all of us for the first time. It took two and a half hours. I expected there to be good time management and I expected the director to know how to run a choir. I was disappointed. But after much reflection, I came to the realization that I can't always expect people to be good at everything and sometimes my job is just to support them in their calling, even if I could do a better job. Not that I would want the job. But I need to learn to be a little more forgiving, because I've had far too much training in classroom management, and that's really what the problem was I think

Is there a graduate level institute class?

Ok, so I have a small problem with pride, as relating to my intelligence level. I really try to learn and apply concepts I have learned. But when I go to institute, for some reason I expect to learn something I didn't know before. Is that wrong? They tell us we need to be attending some kind of institute class, but then all they offer are classes where I already know the material. Why should I go to a class when I know what the teacher is teaching. I could probably teach the class just as well.
Maybe I just feel that when the teacher writes "infinite atonement" on the board and then asks how the atonement covers people who were alive before He atoned for our sins, I feel like my intelligence has been insulted. I understand what "infinite" means. Thank you, I think I learned that fifteen years ago.
Ok, so I know that apparently I went to institute with the wrong mindset. I went expecting them to give me knowledge when I did nothing to prepare myself for the class spiritually so that I could be touched by the Spirit. But really, I learned everything we talked about in high school. This class should be building on previous knowledge, not just building the foundation still. Ok, I forget that some people joined the church late. I just wish we didn't have to always teach to the lowest common denominator!