Miracles

So I have to admit that the Lord is mindful of me all the time. And while I'm definitely not at my destination, there are signposts along the way. Every once in a while, the Lord reminds me that he is there and that he is most definitely in charge.

So I've had some financial struggles of late. Not fun. I have a job for the fall and I can quit my night job which is basically destroying my health because I am not a night person and wake up way too early in the morning to be working past midnight. But I can't quit until my fall job starts and I have been considering getting another summer job because I really can't make ends meet. Well, I finally decided to NOT get another job; my health is not worth it. And I really need a little vacation before school starts. Right after I decided this, the friend I sell ballroom shoes for called and asked me to pick up a couple more hours this summer. And then another friend called to see if I could babysit her newborn in the fall. And then the government told me they were deferring my loan because of the classes I am taking (for my credential). So I will not be completely broke in September! Yay! I cannot tell you how excited I am for this.

That was Friday. I also went to the temple and had a great day with a friend and her two kids. Saturday, I spent with a different friend and her two kids and had an amazingly productive day. Sunday was pretty productive too. And then I went to the Parade again this year and sat with my ward. I spent the day with an amazing guy that I caught up with at the parade. I consider that a miracle too. I'm hoping the relationship lasts a bit longer. More on that later.

I have a testimony of how much the Lord loves me and how involved He is in my life. Rough it may be, but I would never trade having that protection.

My career

One of the things I am struggling with right now is the fact that I can't get a full time position. I have the credentials to teach as a regular teacher, but right now I'm just working as a part time specialist. I have only taught full time for one year, but since then, I have never managed to teach more than part time. There are many reasons behind this, but today I finally figured out what the real issue is.

The real problem is that I never saw myself working. And if I did work, I wanted the kind of job that I loved, but wouldn't take up a lot of time so that I could spend the time I needed with my husband and kids. The good news is that I have my dream job. I LOVE it! I have a great time. The bad news is that I don't have the husband and kids to devote the rest of my time too.

My struggle finding a job

I've been looking for a job since I've been back in UT, and it has not been the most productive search. But you never know what is going to come your way, so you just keep plugging along, hoping, with faith in the Lord that something is bound to work out.

Back in July, I applied for a position at a charter school. At a similar time, a position opened up in a school district I REALLY like for a full time Drama teacher. I applied, looked up the program, and took my resume and a cover letter into the principal, and told all my friends and family to pray I got the job. The following Monday, I had an interview at the charter school. It was only a one hour drama position, so pretty much all they'd give me was some experience to get a better job later. The next day they called me and offered me the position along with a one hour Reading Specialist job. That's all they could offer me. I was still hoping for the full time position at the public school, and I really couldn't make a living just working there, so I declined. And then the public school didn't even call me for an interview. Mildly disappointing (to say the least)

Fast forward three(ish) weeks. I finally managed to get a hold of a lady who runs an Elementary School Ballroom Dance program. She said there was a position at a Jr. High available. Well, I love middle school, so I emailed her my resume and I got a call from the principle the next day. We scheduled an interview for Monday (yesterday), and I went in. I had the feeling that there really was no one else for the position, so the job was pretty much in the bag. I accepted it because I would really love to teach ballroom. Might as well do what I love, right? Sadly, this too is a two hour a day program, but there is after school work, and I'll help out with the tech side of theater teaching kids outside of class. So there is room to grow, which is the benefit over the charter school.

Then, today, I got a phone call from the school where I used to teach dance up north and they wanted me to interview for the dance position that I used to have that the teacher just resigned from. This time, it would actually be a full time position because I would do part time at one middle school and part time at another, which adds up to full time. However, it is not ballroom, its just plain dance. And I don't want to teach dance, and I don't want to take classes to get the credential for something I don't want to teach. So I told them I wouldn't come in to interview. Which is kind of sad because the principle wrote in my letter of recommendation that he would hire me again, so the interview was probably just a formality. But I would have to drive two hours every day for the job, plus my prep period would be spent driving from one school to the other. And I do still need time to study.

So I am teaching ballroom for basically peanuts right now. I will hopefully be able to teach for the elementary school program in the morning, and my landlady wants me to sell shoes for her a couple days a week, and I'll be working at least one night a week at the game store. And trying to fit my school work around it. I am, truly, insane.

The insanity continues

This morning I picked up my mother from the airport. She is driving with my prego sister and I down to LA for my cousins wedding. The wedding is Saturday evening and we drive back Sunday so that my mom can ride back home with my dad. We bought the ticket for her to come out yesterday. Craziness.

Also, yesterday, I had to turn down a job offer because it was only for two hours a day! And in the middle of the day. There is a full time position available a little ways south and I am !praying! that I get that one. Any help would be appreciated.

I'm sure there is more insanity, but that's all I can think of right now. The brain is a little fried from the craziness.

Random tidbits

I am not getting online as frequently as I used to because of my new location. I don't have wireless so I have to use a different computer to get online, which results in less time online. So if you see my activity decrease, that is why. I also have more things to keep me busy (read: four children) so I don't spend as much time idling around online.

I am very excited to be back in Utah. I have finished my travels; going back to CA to pick up the rest of my stuff and visiting my grandparents, and am now settling into summer. I am still looking for a teaching job come the fall, but I have a part time summer job at the game store and will also be selling shoes for my landlady.

Funny story. This morning, I was painting the little girl's fingernails and Baby decided he needed his nails done too. Well, my landlord is anti boys doing anything that can be considered "girly" so we cut and filed them. Unfortunatly, Baby then managed to get a hold of one of the nail polishes while I was doing my last coat. I didn't think he would be able to get the lid off because the lid comes off and then you have to untwist the cap. Well, he did. And I caught him just before he completely opened it. But I got silver nail polish all over my hands. And some of my nails (that are painted a different color). Smart little fart.

Also, I think I need to get back into dancing.

This is the world I live in

I am in the process of applying for jobs and this was on one of the district sites, a newly formed district:

"Our new district is attracting strong interest from talented
teacher candidates, particularly in the middle of a national teacher shortage."

and then

"In addition, with a relatively strong economy here in Utah, our public schools are the beneficiaries of
more difficult economic circumstances in other states – in Los Angeles alone, as many 5,400 teachers and
support staff could be laid off due to budget cuts."

Yeah. So obviously Southern California is NOT the place to be as a teacher. Because apparently, there is a national teacher shortage!! How ironic.

I know why I couldn't get a job

I've been substitute teaching for the last month or so in the local school district down here. I have to say that the kids are awful. Seriously. They do not have any respect. Not for me, not for them, not for their classroom. I wondered for so long why I couldn't get a job down here when I felt like I should move. Now I know. I would have hated it. I would have spent way too much time stressing over how to deal with the students, I would never have been able to find time for my homework and I would not be sleeping because I would be trying to get too many things done.

I had a couple of girls just about get in a fight today. In eighth grade. They just don't care that I'm there. Almost no one did the work. And I always feel bad for the kids who are trying because no one respects them. They probably don't get much attention because the teachers are so busy with the bad kids. My voice is worn out by the end of every day. In the three/four weeks I've subbed, I've raised my voice more than in the entire year I subbed up in UT.

This world is going to fall apart. And its going to be because of apathy.

What am I doing?

I ask myself this question on a regular basis.
My current thoughts are these:
My classes are mostly online, we meet twice a term on a Saturday and everything else is online. I do have one class this quarter that I have to work in the literacy center every week, but other than that, I don't even go to class. There are three classes (taken NOT concurrently) that are not offered through my department, so those are not necessarily online classes. Saturday, I got the syllabus for one of those classes. I picked the online section, and so I only have class the first week and the last two weeks. I realized I pretty much do NOT need to be in California.
Considering the fact that I have not been able to get a job, my thoughts have been to return to Utah. I never thought I would want to stay in Utah, but I so did not want to leave after Christmas.
Plus I keep thinking about all the benefits of living in Utah. Ok, maybe not benefits, but the things I like. And all the things I don't like about California.
So my decision has been to finish out this quarter, perhaps the next, and then come back to Utah. Or go back. I'm looking for a job for next year. I've already applied to one place, and am looking in all the districts around Salt Lake and Utah Valley. I am also looking at a couple places in Washington, just to keep my options open. My parents are happy to know I'm going back.

Nothing new

That title certainly makes you want to read this post, doesn't it? Well, I'm at school, working hard on homework all day, which I kind of wish I wasn't because I have so much of it that I feel like I'm not working hard enough when I take breaks (ie goof off) and then just worry about my classes. Also, I still don't have a job, which is going to be a big problem unless I figure out how to cut expenses. I would much rather have a job, frankly, because I already live on very little. The interviews I have had so far have not panned out. Good news is my results from the CBEST are back and once I get the 'official' scores, I can send them in and start substitute teaching, and get my credential. Life is crazy. So working on that, but still broke. The money thing is starting to scare me because I don't like to see myself running out of money and that's what I'm seeing right now.
I took a needed break this past week and drove up to Utah to visit friends. I really couldn't afford it, but I needed it emotionally. Emotional health is something we sometimes don't give enough attention to. It was really neat to visit with everyone there, I saw so many people, I found it slightly amazing. And I got to go dancing, which is always good.
Now I'm back at the grind stone and trying to balance my days with homework and figure out what I need to do with the job search. Pretty much that's my life right now.

Pizza

Yeah! I had pizza for lunch! That makes me so happy!

I had a second interview today for a job. The principle wasn't there this time which was a little surprising to me. Instead I met with the head of the department, a different administrator and a couple other teachers. It was so hard to tell how well I did when there were four people I had to read, so I don't know if I will get the job or not. I think that they might have a couple other people they are seeing as well. They said they would make a decision by the end of the week.
Still, I felt like things were good as I walked out of the school. Whether or not I get this job, things will work out. I just have to have the patience to wait for it plus the determination to keep looking for things.

Anyway, I am still really happy to have had pizza for lunch!!

Interviews

I had an interview on Friday. I thought I really wanted it because it was at a middle school and it takes about nine minutes to get there. But I don't feel like it was a really good interview. Not actually having an English credential makes my life a little difficult. So while I thought it would be a great job, I don't think I'll get that position.
This morning I had an interview at a high school. This time I prayed that I would do a good job and leave a good impression. I had a really good interview there. And, the good new is, the position is actually a literacy/reading program which is exactly what I am studying! And one of the classes is scripted, so it wouldn't be a complete sink or swim. I don't know that I'll get that position, based on my true qualifications, but at least I felt good about the interview. Sometimes that is totally worth it.

Yes on Prop 8

I went to the DMV today and changed my driver's license to California. Whoo! Glad that's done. I also registered to vote!!

In other good news:
I have an interview today at a middle school and one on Monday at a high school!!

Something is going to work out! Yay!

Apartment

I have found an apartment I am going to move into!! It is close to the University, which means it is not close to my relatives, which is a little sad, but it will be nice to be so close to school. My roommates are super cute. One went to France the semester before I did and was roommates with one of the girls I went with. The other goes ballroom dancing twice a week! So I think it will be a good match.

The other plus is that I am having doubts as to getting a job in the area I am at now. It is just too big and there are too many people looking for jobs here. By contrast, the district by the school seems much friendlier and seems to have a couple positions that I should be able to fill. So here's hoping everything else works out as well!!

I'm sure glad the Lord loves me so much!!

One more step

I went to a Professional career seminar, or something of that type. We talked about how to get a job, where to look, how to fix your resume, what to do in the interview, etc, etc.

Hopefully it will be helpful

The Roller Coaster

Of life.
Sorry, I haven't been on a real roller coaster.
I go up and then I come down. I looked at apartments on Friday and Saturday and whittled it down to one place. The roommates were ultra nice and we got on really well. I spent the afternoon and evening with them. But after a little prayer realized that was not where I was supposed to move. So back to the drawing board.
I have had a couple job interviews in the last few days. I have sent out dozens of applications. Lots of work, few results. I think its a percentage thing. Pretty much, right now, its a waiting game. That's a game I am not good at. When I want to do something, I want to do it now. Oh well. That's life, right? I had a really good interview and I hope that I get called for more from that district and then that one of the principles actually wants to hire me. If not, I still have my application in at another district. But that one is not as personable.
Up and down, up and down. Life is just like that. But are we ready to get off the roller coaster yet? Even though we know that staying on may cause . . . unpleasantness? I think not.

The fourth watch

I am at that point where all is frustration.
I just want to get a job. Nobody is hiring. Scratch that. No one is hiring ME. I apply and apply and apply and still nothing. I even interview, but something is never quite right. So I keep on looking.
I am really really tired of not having my own space. It's driving me crazy. I totally feel like an interloper (thanks Scully for that word). I just want to be in my own place. But hard to know where to go when you don't know where you are going to end up working. Also hard to pay rent when you don't have an income. So, life is peachy right now!
Well, it's always darkest before dawn right? So how much darker is it going to get before dawn? I just want to know.

Job Update

Today I had an interview. It did not go well. When they ask "how much do you know about . . ." and you have to say, "Nothing" more than twice, there are serious problems. It would be a miracle if they call me back.
But on to the good news. I talked to two teachers tonight. They both told me that pretty much the school district will not be hiring until October, when the schools know what their numbers are going to be like. The first one told me she was sure I would get a job when all those jobs come around and the second said there might be an opening at her school. So fingers crossed! And pray I can make it financially until October.
At least there is hope. That's all I'm saying. Because I was starting to get really discouraged. But I think I'm going to make it. Ok, I know I will.

Horoscope

The new concerns you have about your career aren't going away any time soon, so you have to deal with them like the intelligent person you are. It's time to have a conversation with someone you trust -- and it doesn't have to be someone who is intimately involved with what you do on a daily basis. You just need a sounding board -- someone you know will tell you the truth, no matter how ugly it may be. Avoid talking to anyone who is too close to your situation. They might hold back on you.

California traffic

I went to a job interview today. I was driving back (an hour and a quarter trip), congratulating myself because the other side of the freeway was packed, when my side started slowing down. We stopped, and were inching forward. I watched two fire trucks, an ambulance, a police car and several other emergency vehicles pass. I also watched some smoke float through the air. At first I thought maybe the brush had caught fire. We ended up going down to one lane. One lane from FIVE. Crazy. It was not a fire. There were at least two, I think there were three, cars that got SMASHED, and I do mean smashed. Anyway, I made it home safe and I have another job interview tonight.
I would really like a real teaching job. That's what I really want. Why are they never the ones that call me?

Christopher Walken says . . .

"Careers are not often as chosen as people think they are. People talk to me about my choices. I don't make choices, hardly. Things happen, and you say yes or no - usually 'yes', because it's always better to do something. What's the choice? Somebody will say, 'Don't do that part, you don't need to do that part.' And I'll say, 'Why not? What am I going to do? Sit around the house? I'd much rather go to work, and see actors, and have fun."

This just seemed to fit my stage in life.